Sara on the Titanic
Prologue
Sara Crewe woke up on a frigid February morning feeling surprisingly happy. She had a feeling that her luck would soon change for the better. She got dressed and went downstairs to start the morning chores. The cook was in a particularly sour mood, so Sara avoided eye contact to avoid being screamed at. Suddenly the door opened and Miss Minchin came in. The cook stopped at once. Miss Minchin said. “Sara, you are to come upstairs immediately. Ermengarde’s parents are here and they requested to see you. Wash your face and then come into the parlor.” Sara said, “Yes, ma’am.” She quickly washed her face and then walked to the parlor. She saw Ermengarde with her two parents. It made Sara’s heart ache to see someone with two healthy and loving parents. She missed her papa dearly even two years after his death. She curtsied and said, “You wished to see me?” The man said, “Yes. Are you the girl who taught my daughter French?” Sara replied politely, “Yes. I simply made it interesting to learn. It was nothing.” The man said, “My child, I have tried for thirteen years to teach her French to no avail. I had long lost hope that she would ever learn. But you have managed it in only a year and a half. Well done, Miss Crewe. I would like to hire you as a personal tutor for my daughter.” Miss Minchin, who had followed Sara into the parlor, became shocked. “Mr. St. John, I cannot agree to this. Sara is already occupied during the day. You see, she is a charity case. Her papa died and left her penniless. I chose to allow her to stay. In gratitude, she does odd chores.” The man frowned and replied, “Some odd chores? Ermie told me that Sara is worked to the bone and I can see that is true. Look at her, she is emaciated! And that dress is nothing but a rag! If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you were keeping Sara only to save the school’s reputation and get her money back at the same time. I demand she be allowed to be my daughter’s tutor. If she is not allowed to do that here, then I will simply move Ermengarde to another school that is more accommodating and bring Sara with us. Surely Sara is intelligent enough to see what is in her best interest.” Miss Minchin said, “All right, as long as Sara completes her other tasks, she may tutor your daughter.” The man begrudgingly agreed and then turned to Sara and smiled. “Ermengarde is coming with us on a trip to America on the Titanic this April. Would you like to join us, Sara?” Miss Minchin was aghast and said, “Absolutely not!” The man said, “I was asking Sara, not you.” Miss Minchin glared at Sara, who replied, “Yes, I would love to go with you on the Titanic. I have heard marvelous things about it.” The man smiled and handed Sara a ticket. She saw it was for first class. Sure there was a mistake, Sara said, “Excuse me Sir, but there must be some mistake. You must’ve given me Ermie’s ticket by mistake.” She showed the man the ticket. The man laughed and said, “No, Sara. Ermie already has her ticket. This is no mistake. If this goes well, I shall consider adopting you. You are so intelligent that I would be more than honored to have you as my daughter.” Sara was in awe. She had never in her wildest dreams imagined anyone would want to adopt her. She curtsied and lied, “I would be equally honored to have you as my papa.” It wasn’t true in the least. She thought he was very arrogant and mean, but she knew she had to seize the opportunity to improve her situation. Miss Minchin for her part was too much in shock to say anything. The man said, “Sara, have you eaten today?” Sara shook her head. “No, sir. I have been forbidden from eating for a week.” The man asked, “Why?” Sara replied, “Because I was late coming back from the grocers. You see, sir, there was a blizzard and it made it difficult to walk or even to see. But when I told that to Miss Minchin, she yelled at me and took my meals away.” The man sighed and said, “All right. Miss Minchin, I am taking Miss Crewe out to breakfast and then I will take her clothes shopping.” Sara decided to interject at that moment. “Excuse me, but could I please go clothes shopping with your wife instead?” The man asked, “Whatever for? She will likely buy silly things. Besides, you need mental stimulation after all that menial work.” Sara replied simply, “Because I need to buy some feminine things that I would be more comfortable shopping for with a woman.” The man sighed, obviously not wanting to let Sara out of his sight. Sara felt the exact opposite. She wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. She had no idea how she would deal with being his daughter when she could not stand him. He was arrogant and hard hearted. She could tell he was not capable of love. She had thought her situation was bad, but she now realized that her best friend’s situation was far worse. At least Sara’s papa had loved her. Even though he was dead, she had fond memories to look back on. But Ermengarde’s papa was cruel and she doubted that Ermie had even one good memory with him. Sara began to pity her best friend. She was not so sure she wanted to be adopted by these people anymore, no matter how hopeless her current situation was. But she kept that to herself, knowing it would be foolish and rash to express her feelings before thinking long and hard about them. She supposed she didn’t really have to make a decision until she reached America. She had several months to decide. She relaxed, deciding to make the most of her new situation. She came out of her thoughts to find herself alone with Ermie’s parents. “Where is Ermie?” asked Sara. The man said, “She has gone to get one of her dresses to give you so you can be presentable. You cannot go anywhere in those filthy rags.” Sara accepted this, knowing it was true. Suddenly the door opened and Ermengarde came in, carrying a dress that was far too large for Sara. Sara pretended not to notice this. The man looked the dress over. “Ermengarde St. John, what in God’s name are you doing bringing this dress to Miss Crewe? It is obviously too large for her. God, you’re such an idiot that I don’t know how you manage to do anything correctly.” Sara did not understand why he kept calling her Miss Crewe when he wanted to adopt her so badly. But more than that, she was incensed that he was belittling his own daughter, her best friend. Sara knew that Ermie wasn’t quite as bright as her father, but that was no excuse. He ought to love his daughter, not go out of his way to make her feel stupid. No wonder she had such low self-esteem. Mayhap Sara ought to allow herself to be adopted into this man’s family. Then she could make sure that Ermie was treated well. As it was, she had to bite her tongue to keep from yelling at him. She knew doing that would only make Ermie’s current situation worse. Sara knew she needed to stay calm and pretend to ignore this until she had a chance to be alone with her best friend. Sara was brought out of her thoughts when Ermie’s mother, who had until this point been silent, said, “I’ll go find Sara a more fitting dress, darling.” The man nodded and said, “All right. Thank you. At least someone in this family has some sense.” He kissed his wife on the mouth before she went away, his hand resting on her buttocks. Sara was intrigued. Maybe there was someone this man loved after all. She could not help but smile as she sat down in a nearby chair. Suddenly the door opened and Miss Minchin came in. She was shocked to see Sara sitting in a nice chair. “Sara Crewe, what are you doing?!? Get out of that chair this instant!” Sara instinctively obeyed. Once she was standing up, Miss Minchin walked over and boxed her ears quite violently. Then she grabbed Sara by the arms and shook her. “You insolent little slattern! How dare you soil the furniture?” Sara managed to say, “But Miss Minchin, I didn’t! All I did was sit! I was quite tired after not eating for the last three days.” Miss Minchin backhanded her. “Don’t tell falsehoods, young lady! You soiled the chair just by touching it with your filthy body.” Sara didn’t know whether it was from the shaking or from her improved situation, but suddenly she lost her temper completely. She said, “The only reason I am filthy is because you have not allowed me a bath since my papa died two years ago. I am not telling falsehoods. I have never lied to you and I think you know that. You are a cruel bitch who deserves to rot in hell. I am sick of being tortured and starved by you. How do you sleep at night after doing that to two helpless and innocent girls every day? On top of that, you ignore what’s happening in your own kitchen! You either have no idea or are ignoring the fact that the cook steals things herself to give to her policeman lover and blames the theft on Becky. Becky is so hungry that she eats crusts out of the ash barrel! If Becky had been stealing those things, she would not be as thin as she is. Isn’t that obvious? Are you and idiot or just blind? Are you aware that you’re driving me to the brink? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seriously considered suicide. Is that what you want? You should have just thrown me out two years ago. I would have eventually found my way. But here, in this miasma of pain you call a school, it is impossible. So you’d better believe that when and if Ermengarde’s father adopts me, I’m going to a different school. You will never see either of us again after April, so I suggest you treat us better while we are here to prevent me from writing all the parents of the girls here and telling them how I’ve been treated.” Sara’s chest was heaving from her outburst and her mind was foggy. Miss Minchin stood there in shock for a few second then she became enraged and grabbed Sara. She then walked briskly to the door, opened it, and literally threw Sara out into the snow. “If you ever set foot in this school again, I shall call the police,” she said before slamming the door. Sara just lay there for several minutes. Her head was bleeding profusely from having landed headfirst on the sidewalk. She did not hear the door opening or the footsteps as Ermie’s father ran over. He cursed as he saw how badly she was injured. Sara tried to stand, but was prevented from doing so. “Just stay still. I don’t want you worsening your head injury. I cannot believe that woman did that! She will be punished.” Suddenly Sara heard another set of footsteps. “Sara! What happened?” Sara smiled as she heard Becky’s voice. The man explained what had happened. Becky said, “I was afraid the Missus would do something like this sooner or later. Sir, there is a doctor next door. Shall I get him?” The man nodded and said, “Yes. Get him with haste.” Sara was glad the man hadn’t yelled at Becky for asking an obvious question. As soon as Becky ran off, Sara began to feel sleepy. She decided to chat to keep herself awake. “You really love your wife, don’t you?” The man seemed surprised. “Why do you say that, Sara?” Sara winked and replied, “I saw where your hand was. I hope that when I get married my husband does that. Your wife must be very happy.” The man smiled at her and said, “You are even more astute then I give you credit for. Most young ladies do not know those sorts of things.” Sara blushed and said, “I’ve read many erotic novels, sir.” Suddenly, she sat bold upright as she heard a man calling for help. “Sara, whatever is the matter?” “Someone needs my help!” The man sighed and said, “I think your head injury is impacting your mind. Lie back down. I don’t want your precious intellect to be damaged.” Sara shook her head and stood up. The man grabbed her arm. “You’re hallucinating, Miss Crewe. Your brain must be bleeding. Just lay down and wait for a doctor.” Sara pulled her arm free. “I know what I’m hearing is real! I must at least attempt to save him, for I am the only one who is able or willing to do so. I am this man’s only hope.” Then she ran towards the voice, ignoring Mr. St. John as he yelled for her to come back.
A half hour later, Sara came upon two men being whipped. She was immediately indignant even though she had never met them. “Stop it! Leave them alone!” she yelled, ready to punch someone. Everyone turned to look at her. She noticed that most of the men were finely dressed in renaissance clothing. Were they doing some sort of play acting? Sara had never before seen this. But whatever they were doing, she would not allow these two men to be victimized. One of the finely dressed men turned his nose at her and said, “This is none of thy business. Run along and play with the other beggars.” Sara burned at being called a beggar. “I am not a beggar, sir. Release those two men right now!” Sara stomped her foot and glared at the men. Another man said, “We own these men, they are our slaves. You have no business telling us what to do with them. In fact, they shall be whipped harder for your interference!” Sara said, “If you lay one finger on them, I will show no mercy.” The men laughed at her. She lost her temper for the second time that day and lunged at the one who had called her a beggar. She managed to knock him down and put both hands around his neck. “Your arrogance just cost you your life. You ought to have obeyed me from the first.” The man struggled to get up. “Get off of me, thou wretched urchin!” Sara squeezed both hands as hard as she could around his throat. The man didn’t seem to be affected in the least. Sara soon became frustrated and stood up. Then, as the man tried to get up, she stomped her foot on his Adam’s apple with all her strength. The man gasped in pain as she heard a cracking sound. Sara smirked as he began to struggle for air. “Serves you right,” she said menacingly. Then she turned to the other men, whom she expected to back away. Instead, one of them jumped forward and grabbed her arm. “Let me go!” She struggled but could not free her arm. The man smiled at her attempts to free herself. “Thou shan’t be going anywhere but the gallows, murderous wench. Mahyap these savages will watch thee hang, to learn what comes to murderers.” Sara spat, “You’re the savages! What civilized human being would beat these men in such a manner? You men are nothing but a pack of violent apes!” Sara was smacked across the face. “Hold thy tongue!” Sara took this chance to grab the man’s gun and shoot the men’s shackles. She was a good shot and managed to free both men at the same time. Luckily their legs were already free. One of the men ran up and punched the man holding Sara, making him drop her. The man caught her and gently set her on her feet. “Follow me!” she said, grabbing his hand and running back towards the school. The man ran after her, neither of them daring to look back until they heard the other man scream as he was captured. Sara sighed and said, “Forget about him. We cannot go back now.” The man following her nodded as he kept running.
A half hour later, Sara reached the school with the man in tow. She was panting as she led him through the back entrance into the kitchen, forgetting she was not supposed to return to the school. “I’m home, Cook,” she said, suddenly exhausted. The cook, who was still in a sour mood, said crossly, “You took long enough. Go up to your room. You’ve wasted enough of my time today.” Sara shrugged and said, “All right, Cook.” She laid the gun on the table and walked up the three long flights of stairs, nearly falling several times. The man followed her. She yawned when she finally reached her dingy attic room. “You can sleep on the bed, although I’m not sure how much better it is than the floor to be honest,” she said, gesturing to the rock hard bed. The man nodded and said, “Thank you for saving me and my friend. My name is Squanto.” Sara managed a small smile. “My name is Sara. You’re from America right?” Squanto nodded and replied, “Yes, Sara. I was kidnapped along with my friend Epenow and brought to England.” Sara asked, “Do you want to go home?” Squanto said, “That is the thing I want most! I miss my home very much.” Sara grinned and handed him her ticket. “Then why don’t you come with me on the Titanic?” Squanto looked at the ticket and said, “I can’t read. But I would love to come with you.” Sara smiled and said, “I’ll teach you to read! It’s very easy. We’ll start tomorrow morning.” She yawned again. Squanto said, “Sleep now, Sara. You’re exhausted.” Sara knew he was right so she lay down and fell asleep.
Sara woke up more comfortable and warm than she had ever been in the attic. She sat up, feeling several sheets underneath her and blankets on top of her. “What happened?” she asked, bewildered at her sudden good luck. Squanto, who was sitting on the three legged footstool, said. “You were freezing to death, so I found those things for you.” Sara began to panic, realizing that these things were stolen from the other girls. Miss Minchin would prosecute her for sure when she found out! “And why am I in bed when I fell asleep on the floor?” she asked. Squanto replied, “You were bleeding severely. You would have died if I had left you on the floor. I did the best I could to stitch up your injury. I am no medicine man, but I know some things about healing.” Suddenly, the door opened and Becky ran in followed by the cook, who was in an even worse mood then before. The cook ran over to Sara. “Get up this instant, you lazy slattern!” she said, not noticing the new bedclothes. She ripped them off and grabbed Sara by the arm, forcing her out of bed. She stopped short when she realized she was in a fine silk nightgown, one that she recognized as belonging to Lavinia. Lavinia hated Sara almost as much if not more than Miss Minchin. Sara didn’t want to know what Lavinia would do to her when she found out Sara was wearing her nightgown. The cook noticed too, although Sara doubted she knew exactly who the nightgown belonged to. The cook gasped and said, “Sara Crewe, I knew you were incorrigible, but I never imagined you’d steal from one of the young ladies. I have no choice but to tell the Missus. You are in serious trouble.” Squanto stepped forward as the cook began to drag Sara out of the room. “I stole the dress,” he admitted. The cook stopped. “Who are you?” He replied, “My name is Squanto. Sara saved my life yesterday. She was bleeding profusely and I had to use her other nightgown for bandages. I stole this one to replace it. I also stole blankets so she wouldn’t freeze to death.” The cook released Sara and looked Squanto up and down. A scowl formed on her face as she turned back to Sara. “Well, while I go tell the Missus, you get dressed and come downstairs to start the morning chores.” Squanto said, “She is grievously injured and will require rest to recover. I shall do her work for her until she is well.” He put his hands on his hips, daring the cook to contradict him. The cook shrugged. “Eh, as long as the work gets done I suppose. But don’t think this gets you off the hook for theft. But since you’re already dressed, go downstairs. Becky will tell you what you need to do.” Squanto smiled and helped Sara back into bed. “I shall be back this evening to take care of you,” he said sweetly. Sara smiled back, beginning to like this man. Then Squanto went downstairs, followed by the cook.
A week passed like this. Squanto would do Sara’s chores and then come back up to the attic in the evenings to take care of her and tend to her injury, which was healing nicely. Sara soon felt well enough that she began to teach him to read and write. She was pleasantly surprised with how quickly he learned. She also enjoyed it when he told her stories from his home. One day, they were talking when Sara stopped short, having heard footsteps on the stairs. She sat absolutely still as the steps neared the attic. Sara recognized the step as belonging to Miss Minchin. “She knows I’m here,” stated Sara, becoming pale. Squanto took her into his arms in an attempt to comfort her. The door soon was flung open as Miss Minchin burst in. “Sara Crewe, how dare you come back after I expressly forbade it? You are in serious trouble. Ermengarde’s papa has been worried sick over you.” Sara stopped. “But I’ve been here almost the entire time. Why did he not look here first? I thought he was smart.” Miss Minchin said, “Don’t be impertinent! Remember your place. He is going to be your employer soon. He is not your papa even if he adopts you. Your papa is dead, Sara. Nobody cares about you anymore. If someone chooses to look after you, it is for their benefit, not yours.” Sara’s green eyes filled with tears. Squanto held her close as he said, “That is not true. I care about her deeply. She is my friend and I will not allow you to say such things to her.” Sara asked, “Miss Minchin, why did you come here? Surely you did not come all the way up here just to lecture me.” Miss Minchin replied, “Ermengarde’s papa has found you. Becky told him where you were yesterday. He has come here asking for you. The cook said you refused to come down, so I came up here to make you listen to reason.” Sara sighed and said, “I suppose the cook did not say anything about my head injury? I hit my head a week ago. Squanto had to stitch it up to save my life.” Miss Minchin scowled as she approached Sara. Suddenly she noticed the bed. “Sara Crewe, where on Earth did you get these blankets! You stole them, didn’t you?” Squanto replied, “No. I stole them. Sara had nothing to do with it. She would have frozen to death if I hadn’t stolen more blankets.” Miss Minchin harrumphed and said, “Well, you’d better get her downstairs Mr. St. John is very impatient. Don’t bother getting her dressed; he has clothes ready for her.” Squanto nodded and carried Sara downstairs and to the parlor where Ermengarde’s parents were waiting. Sara smiled weakly at them as Squanto sat her on a divan. Ermengarde’s mother ran over and began to fuss over Sara. “My poor Sara,” she said. Sara had not been fussed over in quite some time. She disliked this man, but this woman reminded her of the mother she never had. She was conflicted, but managed to smile brightly. Mr. St. John said, “My dear Sara, I had never dreamed that you would go back here after what Miss Minchin did to you. What happened?” Sara replied honestly, “I suppose the head injury made me forget I wasn’t supposed to come back here. If it weren’t for Squanto, I would have bled to death.” Mrs. St. John cringed at the thought of Sara’s death. Her husband seemed to notice Squanto for the first time. He smiled and said, “Thank you for taking care of my precious daughter. She means the world to my wife and me. How can we repay you?” Squanto replied, “I just want to go home to America.” Mr. St. John nodded and said, “Consider it done, my friend. I will buy you a first class ticket on the Titanic.” Sara smiled, glad that nobody would find out that she had tried to give her ticket to Squanto. She was more than a little taken aback that this man was already calling her his daughter and was worried about how that would affect Ermengarde, his real daughter. She had a sinking feeling that Ermengarde would become ostracized by her own family in favor of Sara. But she pushed such thoughts out of her head, choosing to deal with them when and if she needed to. Right now, she needed to focus on healing. Everyone would do just fine without her help for a few months. The only person she needed to worry about was herself. This was a very good excuse to be selfish for a change. “What happens now, Papa?” she asked cheerily, forcing the name out. It felt like blasphemy to call another man papa, but she had no choice. He smiled back at her. “Now, we all go to the hotel. When you are well enough, we will go to our villa for the rest of the winter. Then we will go down to Southampton and in April we will sail on the Titanic.” Sara could not repress a joyful sigh at the prospect of the Titanic. It seemed so marvelous. It seemed odd that she, a scullery maid, was going to sail on the ship of dreams, and in first class no less! She feared that if she talked about it too much, the magic would disappear. She only dared dream about it inside herself. Mr. St. John said gently, “Go to sleep, Sara. When you wake we will be in the hotel.” Sara sighed and let herself dream.
Chapter One
A few months passed quickly. Sara was treated like a princess for the first time since her papa had died. She lived at the St. John’s villa and took lessons from tutors. She soon found that she preferred the quiet atmosphere of the villa to the noisy and pressure-filled atmosphere of the school. Even when she had been rich, the school had always been slightly chaotic. She loved her friends there, but she never quite felt at home there like she did in the villa. The one downside was that she rarely saw Ermengarde at all. They only ever saw each other at meals or if they happened to pass each other in the hall, which was rare. Sara had the feeling that Ermengarde’s papa wanted to keep them apart as much as possible. Sara did not understand this, especially since he allowed her to be alone with Squanto whenever she liked. It was improper to say the least. If they weren’t in a villa far away from society, Sara might be embarrassed by being alone with an unmarried man so much of the time. As it was, she soon began to ignore social etiquette and spend most of her free time with him. She was very close to him. He was almost like a big brother to her, but there was something more to it. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was beginning to fall for him. She knew it was improper and crossed all boundaries, but she felt despondent when he left the room and euphoric when he entered it. She sighed, realizing that she was not paying attention to the book in her hands. She looked up and saw Squanto sleeping in a chair. She smiled, knowing he was determined to protect her. She loved him. She might as well admit it, at least to herself. It would do her no good to deny it like in some romance novel. And it might even be good for her, if she didn’t tell anybody. A love was good to have. It made her happy like nothing else. It was all right that he never knew. It was actually better that way. She knew that a love like theirs could never survive if it were allowed to bloom. They were from different worlds, different cultures. Sara was not naïve enough to think that they could just overcome such differences. And even if they managed to do so personally, nobody would accept their love. It would be doomed, like that of Romeo and Juliet. Squanto’s people would not accept Sara after what the English had done to them, and Sara’s people would never accept Squanto, whom they saw as subhuman. She could spend a lifetime trying to convince them of his humanity, but it would not change things. They would be ostracized no matter where they went. Sara decided that it would be best to let Squanto return to his homeland without the pain of knowing a doomed love. That was best for everyone involved. She ought to enjoy being close to him while she could. She sighed deeply and smiled as she walked over to him. He woke at hearing her footstep and smiled at her. “Hello, Sara!” he said. She smiled back and said lovingly, “Hello, Squanto. How are you?” Squanto replied, “I am well, dear Sara, thanks to you. You are the reason I am even alive. I do not know how to begin to repay you.” Sara blushed and without knowing she was going to do it, she leaned over and kissed him. He kissed back sweetly, his hands running through her hair. Sara shivered in pleasure at her first kiss. She decided that she wanted this man. Why should she just watch him when she could get so much more? It seemed foolish to her to deny herself and him. She knew they wanted each other. What harm would it do to indulge themselves? They could be lovers until he disembarked at America. “Make love to me,” she breathed. Squanto didn’t even respond as he lifted her without breaking the kiss. She wrapped her legs around his hips as he walked to her bedchamber. Then he pushed her onto her bed as they made love.
Sara and Squanto made love many times after that. They were so engrossed in each other that they barely noticed the passage of time as April neared. Very soon they went to Southampton to await the Titanic. Sara was putting getting dressed for bed the night before she was to go on the Titanic. She was alone in the hotel room she shared with Squanto when there was a knock at the door. Sara looked up as her friend Ermengarde walked in. Sara smiled and said, “Ermie, how glad I am to see you! Oh, it seems like I haven’t seen you in ages! Come sit on the bed like old times.” Ermie smiled at her and obeyed. “Sara, I feel the same way. You’ve been so busy with Squanto that I never get to talk to you. Do you still want to be my friend at all, Sara?” Sara said, “Of course I do, Ermie! I’ve always wanted to be your friend! It’s just that I’ve been so preoccupied with Squanto that I suppose I forgot anyone else existed. I’m sorry.” Sara’s eyes filled with tears. Ermengarde said, “Don’t cry, Sara. It’s all right. At least you’re not living in the attic anymore. I am happy for you! But you must really love Squanto to have forgotten about me.” Sara began to cry despite what Ermengarde had said. “Yes, I love him deeply. But I know we could never be together.” Ermengarde said, “why not? If you love each other that should be the only thing that matters! And I know he loves you.” Sara said, “In a perfect world, I would already be engaged to him. But this world is not perfect. People kill each other every day for no reason. His people would never accept an English girl after what the English have done to them, and the English would never accept him. We wouldn’t fit in no matter where we went and that isn’t fair to him. If it were just me that would suffer, I could bear it as long as I was with him. But if he really does love me, then I know my suffering would make him suffer as well, and I cannot do that to him. I may well end up as an old maid. I don’t think I could ever forget him or marry another. I will always love him, even if we are worlds away.” Sara began to sob miserably at this point, not being able to stop. Ermengarde was alarmed at this. “Sara, what is the matter? Are you ill?” Sara shook her head. “I can’t stop crying. I don’t feel like crying, but I can’t stop! Maybe it is that time of the month.” Ermengarde looked at Sara and poked her slightly rounded abdomen. “You are plumper than you were, Sara. I’ve never seen you this fat, not even before your papa died. What’s happening, Sara?” Sara, who was usually cool and calm with her friend, suddenly lost her temper and snapped, “How the bloody hell should I know? If you’re so damn clever why don’t you figure it out for yourself?” Then she slapped Ermie just as Squanto walked into the room with food. Ermie just sat there in shock. Sara had never even raised her voice to her before, let alone insult her. Poor Ermie didn’t quite know what to do. Sara was in shock too. She stared at the huge red mark on her best friend’s cheek caused by her own hand. “Ermie, I am so sorry. I don’t know what got into me!” said Sara before bursting back into tears. Squanto sighed and set the food down. He then sat by Sara and gently ran his hand through her hair while making soothing noises. Ermie nearly started crying too, but managed not to. “I’m sorry too, Sara. I shouldn’t have called you fat. That was mean-spirited of me. I’m sure it’s normal. After all, you have been lying around all day with him.” Squanto gave her a warning look while still making soothing noises. “Ermengarde, Sara needs to rest now. Would you be useful as well as ornamental and take the tray of food out?” Ermengarde stood up and hesitated. Squanto noticed this. “What’s the matter now?” he asked, becoming impatient. He did not possess the nearly endless patience with the girl that Sara did. He did not want to hurt Sara’s friend, but at the same time she was being difficult and interfering with Sara’s wellbeing which was a priority for him. He was deeply in love with Sara. But he knew she could never feel the same way about him. She was a kind and gentle lady, but he knew enough of society to know that she was way above him in terms of social standing. She would never fall in love with someone so far beneath her. He knew it had to be enough that they were friends and lovers. It was enough that she wanted to sleep with him over and over again. He would have to be content with that. Ermengarde interrupted his thoughts by saying, “I’ve never done this sort of thing before. Can’t you do it? It seems more like your kind of work anyway.” Squanto’s dark eyes narrowed. “Are you suggesting that I am a servant?” he asked though grated teeth. Ermengarde did not seem to see how angry he was as she shrugged and said, “Aren’t you? I thought that’s why papa let you stay, as a companion and manservant of Sara.” Squanto wanted to yell at this girl. He knew she had no idea how racist she was being, but at the same time she was infuriating! He managed a pleasant tone as he said, “No, the reason I was allowed to stay was because I saved Sara’s life. Your papa allowed me to stay as Sara’s friend, not as her servant. She and I are equals. Besides, how many times has she carried food for you? Isn’t it about time you return the favor, paleface?” He could not help adding the last part. He knew he shouldn’t, but it was hard to help it when this girl was getting on his nerves. It was better than shaking her, which he was also tempted to do. He loved Sara, but he would be glad to get off this wretched continent full of people who thought he was some savage animal. This girl was no different. But according to Sara, all humans were animals. He had enjoyed listening to her talk of human evolution. It gave him satisfaction to know that even the haughty Englishmen who thought they were so superior to him were really a bunch of upright apes. Ermengarde frowned and picked the food tray up and carried it out of the room. Squanto turned his attention back to Sara and kissed her forehead. “I love you,” he whispered. Sara did not make a sound as she put her head against his chest. “Go to sleep, Sara. In the morning we will go on the Titanic.” Sara obeyed. Squanto smiled at her lovingly as he made sure she was tucked in. Then he walked out of the room, wishing he could lie beside her. But the only time he ever did that was after they had made love. He couldn’t very well act like they were more than lovers when they weren’t. It would be wrong to impose himself on her no matter how much he might be tempted to do so. He knew she only wanted him for his good looks and skill in bed as well as companionship. Theirs was a complicated relationship, but he would take what he could get. He loved her so much that he was all right with his life with her, even if she would never love him in the same way. As long as she was happy, he could endure. He did not know how he would part from her when they reached America. Tears came to his eyes just thinking about it. He wanted to go home and see his people, but at the same time he wanted to stay with this girl whom he loved. He didn’t know what he was going to do. But he supposed he had some time to figure it out. He sighed and looked at Sara one last time before walking out of the room. He saw Emerngarde standing there, awkwardly holding the tray. Squanto sighed again as he took it from her, knowing she was likely to drop it. He knew she was right about the reasons for her papa allowing him to stay. He was nothing more than a servant to that man. Squanto also knew that if the tray was dropped, he would be the one blamed. He did not want to be scolded again. Ermengarde’s papa expected everyone to be as smart and knowledgeable as he was, and if someone wasn’t or made a mistake, they would be scolded severely. . He agreed with Sara that the man was haughty and mean. Squanto felt sorry for Ermengarde. She had been ostracized and shunned by her own papa since he met Sara. Her relationship with him had been strained for her whole life, but now it was a different thing altogether. Squanto had overheard her parents talking about sending her off to a mission in Africa if she did not marry by the time she was twenty. Squanto, who had been in the room, asked if the same thing would be done to Sara. Ermengarde’s papa had acted as if Squanto was an idiot for saying such a thing and said that Sara would be going to college as soon as she turned sixteen. Ermengarde’s mother had interjected about how smart their beloved Sara was. While Squanto agreed that Sara was the smartest girl he had ever met, he disliked how badly this man was treating his real daughter. Ermengarde, while clumsy and slow, was a good person and could be a very loyal friend to Sara. She didn’t deserve the awful treatment she got from everyone, including Squanto himself. He sighed, regretting how he had spoken to her when she was doing her best. It wasn’t her fault she wasn’t as smart as the people around her. She probably didn’t even understand the concept of racism, let alone what constituted as such. Squanto turned around and was alarmed to find her slumped against the wall. “Ermengarde, what’s the matter?” asked Squanto as he ran over. She was awfully pale. He caught her as she fell. “When was the last time you ate?” he asked. She replied weakly, “Two days ago.” Squanto frowned and asked, “Why haven’t you eaten? Are you ill?” He wondered if he ought to go try to find a doctor. He knew the girl’s papa would not care and would simply assume she was whining. Ermengarde answered, “Because I’m fat! I was trying to lose weight for tomorrow’s trip!” Squanto grimaced. “Who called you fat, Ermie?” “My parents. I was eating at breakfast two days ago and my mama told me if I kept eating like I was that I would sink the ship due to my weight. Then my papa laughed and said that I already looked like a whale. That’s when I stopped eating.” Squanto wanted to throttle Ermie’s papa and mama. How dare they say such things to a vulnerable young girl, especially their own daughter? Squanto said, “You are not fat, Ermengarde! I am sorry that you have such parents, but you are not fat. You need to eat. You don’t want to spend the trip in sickbay do you? If you don’t start eating again, that’s what will happen. You’ll miss the whole trip!” He smiled at her as she looked up at him in awe. “Nobody’s ever been this nice to me besides Sara!” Squanto again felt sorry for her. He hugged her. She hugged back as she burst into tears. Squanto sighed as he walked her over to the tray of food. “Here, why don’t you eat this so it doesn’t go to waste?” Ermie nodded and began to eat. Then she said, “Isn’t it odd that I never see Sara eating yet she is getting so fat herself?” Squanto sighed and said, “She eats plenty. But your papa likes to quiz her while she eats. That’s why she eats separately. But she has gained weight. I was afraid she wouldn’t; she was so emaciated when I met her. I have never seen anybody as thin as she was except for Becky.” Ermie gasped. “I completely forgot about Becky!” she said, aghast. Squanto replied with a smile, “Sara hasn’t. She sends money every month, and she left Emily with Becky for companionship.” Ermie sighed in relief. Squanto could tell she had been worried about Becky’s wellbeing. Then Ermie yawned. “Go to bed, Ermie. Tomorrow is a big day,” said Squanto, feeling tired himself. He decided to go back to Sara’s room. One he was in there, he turned out the light and lay on the carpeted floor and went to sleep. Just as he closed his eyes, he heard Sara’s voice saying, “Why are you sleeping on the floor? Come up here and lie with me.” Squanto wanted to obey her, but knew he shouldn’t. He smiled brightly and said, “I’m fine down here, Princess.” It was dark but he could barely make out Sara’s face as it formed a lovely frown. “Have I done something wrong?” she asked in a tearful voice. Squanto wondered if she was ill. She usually was not so sensitive. “No, Princess. You’ve done nothing wrong. It is just improper for me to sleep in the same bed with you. Really, I’m fine here on the floor. I am used to it.” Sara said, “No, you’re not. I don’t care if you slept on the ground in America, you haven’t done so for a long time. Please, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable because of me. If I’m the issue, then I can sleep on the floor. That mattress in the attic was no better than the floor. In fact this floor with its carpet might be much more comfortable than my old bed. Besides, neither of us have any room to talk about propriety anymore. We honestly should be comfortable enough with each other by now that propriety is no longer an issue.” Squanto saw that there was no way out of it. Sara was right as usual. She was only fourteen years old, yet she had the wisdom of someone much older. If she lived among Squanto’s people, she would spend her days with the elders. Squanto smiled at such a thought, knowing that it was impossible. She would never meet his people, let alone live amongst them. Her place was with Ermengarde’s parents. She would go to college and one day marry and have children of her own. Still, he wished that she could come to America and live with him. He knew he had little to offer her, but at least she would be away from Ermie’s parents. “Squanto, what are you thinking of? You seem very pensive right now,” said Sara. Squanto should have known she would see right through him. She always had the ability to sense people’s emotions. “Just thinking about the Titanic and how I’ll miss dreary old London.” Sara giggled and said, “I certainly won’t. I plan to get away from these awful people as soon as possible. I’d like to go back home to India, but that place is swarming with them too. I half think I’ll live in America.” Squanto, now filled with cautious hope, said, “You don’t want to come back?” Sara shook her head and replied, “No, I do not. I never want to set foot here again! This place is awful. I also don’t want to live with Ermie’s parents. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around them. I worry if I slip up, I’ll end up like Ermie, ostracized and unloved. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I do know that I will not stay with these people longer than absolutely necessary.” She yawned. “I’m sleepy. Come up here so I can get some rest.” Squanto sighed and stood up. Then he climbed into bed beside her. She smiled and snuggled into him. He rested his hand on her rounded belly. He realized that it was not normal fat, especially since the rest of her body was still thin. He pressed and found that it was firm. “Sara?” he said. Sara said, “Shut up. Whatever it is, I’ll handle it in the morning. Right now, I need sleep.” Squanto couldn’t let this go until morning. “Sara, you’re not fat,” he stated. Sara sighed and sat up. “Thank you for trying to comfort me, but Ermie was right. I’m getting plump.” Squanto ignored this and said, “You’re pregnant, Sara. I’m not a medicine man, but I know pregnancy when I see it.” Sara sighed again and lay back down. “What do I do now? I definitely cannot allow Mr. St. John to find out about this. I don’t even want to know what he would do to me.” Squanto said, “Right now we both go to sleep. We can figure this out on the Titanic. But lack of sleep is bad for the baby and you. Whatever happens, I will not leave you. You are not alone in this and never will be.” Sara smiled at him and gave him a kiss then went to sleep. He went to sleep as well.
The next morning, Sara woke up at the crack of dawn as had been her habit since she was forced to become a scullery maid. She got up and walked over to the floor length mirror. Then she turned sideways and looked at what she now knew was a baby bump. She felt idiotic for not recognizing it long ago. She just assumed she was getting fat. She made some calculations in her head and figured she was about three months pregnant. But if she were only three months pregnant and already showing, that must mean she was carrying twins. Twins! Sara nearly fainted at the thought. It was harrowing enough to have to care for one baby on her own, but two would be nearly impossible. She knew that Ermengarde’s papa would expect her to drop the babies off at the nearest orphanage as soon as they were born, but Sara could not do that. She couldn’t subject her own children to such an uncertain fate. What if they became servants like Becky? She knew some people only wanted children for free labor. Besides, if Sara really did not want them, she knew easy ways to get rid of the babies before they were born. There were several plants that induced miscarriage. She had learned that in India. But she did want these children, despite her concerns about raising them alone. She would manage, one way or another. She was resourceful and smart. Even after she was thrown out by Ermengarde’s parents, she and her children would survive. Even if she had to be a scullery maid again, she would do it. She did hope she became a governess instead, but she knew that few people would hire a woman who had two illegitimate children. A governess was expected to be a prim and proper young lady, not a wanton girl who had slept with a man outside of marriage for three months. Especially since they would view Squanto as a savage heathen. Sara wondered if she ought to just go into the woods and live on her own, like the Native Americans. It would be difficult, but she could do it if she tried hard enough. Or maybe she would ask Squanto’s people for help. She hated asking for charity, but she didn’t see many other options. She could not be a scullery maid in all reality. She would end up burning down the house. She was broken by her treatment at Miss Minchin’s hands. She was not fit for proper society anymore and she knew it. She sighed as she put her hand on her rounded belly. She had a few days to make a decision. That’s how long it would take to reach New York. She needed to have a plan before the ship docked. She was so preoccupied she didn’t notice that Squanto had woken up. “Sara, what’s the matter?” he asked in concern. Sara smiled at him, wishing she could marry him. She knew she couldn’t but it would be easier to care for her twins with a husband to help her. And she loved him so much. She wanted to confess her feelings, but didn’t want to burden him. He already had a lot to worry about. The last thing he needed was her dumping more on him. So she settled for looking at him lovingly, hoping he couldn’t see it. He stood up and walked over to her. Then he hugged her, his hand on her belly. “Sara, you are not alone in this. I will not abandon you or our child, no matter what happens.” Sara’s eyes filled with tears. She knew he meant what he was saying, but she also knew that he would have to abandon them. He had to go back to his people and she had to stay in New York to try to sort out her life. Maybe she could even follow him to Canada and live in the woods. But she could not impose on him or his people. It just wasn’t fair for her to do such a thing after what they had suffered at the hands of the English. She might ask for a few scraps of food or some advice for living on her own, but that was the extent of what she could do. She couldn’t possibly stay with him no matter how much she wanted to. She realized that Squanto was waiting for an answer. “I’m scared,” she admitted. Squanto said, “I know you’re afraid. But we’ll do this together.” Suddenly the door opened and Ermengarde’s papa came in. He smiled and said, “I’m glad you’re awake, Sara. I want you and Squanto to eat now and then go explore Southampton. I realize you’ve been cooped up in here since we arrived and wanted to offer you the chance to run around. The ship leaves at 11:00.” Sara nodded and said, “All right, Papa. Thank you.” The man smiled and left. Sara sighed and then she and Squanto got dressed. As she put her favorite green gown on, she was painfully aware of the fact that it didn’t fit quite right anymore. “I shall have to get a new one,” she told Squanto, knowing that Ermie’s parents would instantly notice that her dress was too tight. In fact, she probably had to get a whole new wardrobe, or at least enough clothes to last her until she got to America. “So I need a week’s worth of outfits.” Sara sighed as she decided to eat in a restaurant instead of risking being seen. “Let’s go,” she told Squanto. Then they both sneaked out the front door and down the street. Soon they came upon a small Italian place. “This looks nice. I hope they’re open,” said Sara. She really needed this place to be open right now. She could not risk being seen by Ermie’s papa before she bought new clothes. She didn’t want to think what he’d do to her if he found out about the twins. “Calm down, Sara. It is not good for the babies for you to panic,” said Squanto as Sara walked up to the door. She saw that it wasn’t open for two hours. Her stomach growled at having to wait. She already felt dizzy from hunger. Suddenly she saw a man walk to them. Sara could tell he worked there. She approached him and said, “I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience and I know you aren’t open yet, ma I am in dire need of food. Preggo, give me something, anything!” Sara began to tear up for the first time in years. The man looked her over and asked, “How far along are you, Principessa?” Sara replied, “Three months.” The man smiled and said, “When was the last time you ate?” Sara replied, “I last ate during dinner last night, around 6.” The man’s smile disappeared. “Cara, you must be starving! Come in before you faint.” Sara was taken aback at this man’s kindness, especially since she didn’t know him. She walked in before he had a chance to change his mind. Squanto followed her. A man and a woman were standing inside, talking. They looked up when Sara walked in. Sara was for a moment afraid they would be angry, but they instead seemed concerned. The woman ran over to Sara. “Bambina cara, are you all right? You are as pale as death! Here, sit down before you faint!” The woman made Sara sit down in a nearby chair. The man who had allowed them inside had already gone to the back to make food. A girl a few years older than Sara walked in and said, “Is everything all right, Mama? I just saw Antonio back in the kitchen.” The woman said, “This lady just came in here, Dolcina. She’s probably starving.” Sara was by this time almost unconscious. “Hurry up, Antonio! This girl’s not going to last much longer!” said Dolcina. Sara suddenly lost consciousness.
Sara woke up a few hours later. She realized she was in a nice bed. “Where am I?” she asked. A girl who was sitting by Sara said, “You’re in our home. You fainted in my parent’s restaurant.” Suddenly, the door opened and a woman walked in. She smiled warmly at Sara. “Hello, Sara. How are you feeling, cara?” Sara smiled back at her. She was like the mother Sara never had. She was certainly nicer than Mrs. St. John who only seemed to care about Sara because her husband did. There was no love there. Sara liked this woman a lot. “I'm feeling hungry still, but it's not as sharp as it was this morning. Thank you very much for allowing me to stay here after I fainted. You are a good woman and I'll never forget this.” The woman blushed a little and said, “I couldn't just abandon a pregnant girl. I could tell you were running away from your family. I'm sorry that they turned their backs on you during such a vulnerable time.” Sara nearly began to cry at how close to the truth that statement was. She chose to be completely open with these people who had helped her. “They don’t even know about the babies. They can't accept the man I love. I don’t know what to do. I know our love cannot survive in the real world. He doesn't know about my feelings. I want to confess, but I don’t want to add to his problems.” The woman sighed and sat on the bed. Then she took Sara’s hand. “Ascolta, cara. This man loves you very much, but he doesn't want to burden you with an impossible love. He also believes that you cannot love him in the way he loves you. You need to tell him how you feel. If you go to America without doing so and you go you're separate ways, you’re both going to regret it the rest of your lives, and your children are going to resent not having a papa. Trust me, miele.” Sara suddenly hugged the woman. “Grazie, Mama! Ti amo!” The woman was shocked for a second before she smiled and hugged Sara back. “By the way, when you get to America, stay in New York. I have a sister there. Her name is Serita Soprano. She lives in a nice house in Little Italy. You go to her and say that Adda sent you. She'll help you both.” Dolcina asked, “What time does the ship leave?” Sara replied, “At 11:00. What time is it now?” Dolcina said, “It's 10:30. You'd better hurry I'd you don’t want to miss it.” Sara began to panic. “I don’t have my luggage. It's at the hotel.” Adda said, “It's all right. Antonio already took your things on the ship. All you need to do is get there on time.” Sara sighed in relief before running downstairs and out the door. She was running so fast she barely knew where she was going. She had never been to Southampton before and didn't know where the docks were. So she followed a group of men. She ended up by an outside gambling table. She soon realized they were trying to win a ticket to the Titanic. She was fascinated and watched intently. The men saw her and parted to let her watch. “Wanna play, principessa?” someone said. Sara grinned and said, “No, grazie. I already have a ticket. I got lost looking for the docks.” A man said, “They’re right around the corner, dolce cuore. Do you want to watch us play? We could help you find them afterwards.” Sara nodded and sat down. She was tired already. “My feet ache,” she said in fluent Italian. The man who had spoken said, “Why don’t you put your feet up? You shouldn’t be walking this much in your condition. How far along are you, five months? You need to rest.” Sara replied, “I am only three months along. But I cannot rest for long. I cannot miss the ship or I will have to go back to being a beggar.” Sara began to cry at this point. The man said, “Don’t cry, principessa. We’ll make sure you don’t miss the ship. Go on and rest. I can tell you’re not well. When was the last time you ate?” Sara was near sleep and said, “I ate around 6 last night. I haven’t had anything since.” The men all became concerned. Sara began to fall forward but was caught and laid down. “Don’t tell my parents that I’m pregnant. They’ll throw me out!” said Sara as she fainted.
Squanto watched as his beloved Sara was carried unconscious onto the Titanic by a man in rags. She looked deathly pale. Squanto ran forward as the stewards argued over whether to allow Sara entrance. “Excuse me, is my lover all right? She looks very ill.” The stewards turned to him. “This girl doesn’t have a ticket.” Squanto said, “Yes, she does. Here, let me get it for you.” He reached into Sara’s purse and pulled out her ticket and handed it to the stewards. “Here it is. Now is there anything else you needed or can she be taken to sickbay? I really worry about her and the baby.” The stewards nodded and said, “Of course. Let us lead you there.” Squanto smiled as the man handed Sara to him and then left. Then he carried Sara to the sickbay, following the stewards. The doctor looked up as Squanto came in. He immediately became concerned as he saw Sara’s condition. “Lay her here on one of the beds. What happened to her? How far along is she?” Squanto replied, “She’s about three months along, doctor. Please don’t tell her parents. I don’t know what we’ll do when we reach America, but I don’t want to know what her parents will do to her if they find out now. As for what happened to her, she fainted this morning because she hadn’t eaten since dinner yesterday. She just found out last night about the pregnancy and now her clothes aren’t fitting. She was afraid to face her adopted papa, so she and I went to an Italian restaurant where she fainted before she could eat. She woke up half an hour ago but was so concerned about not missing the departure that she hasn’t eaten yet. I assume she fainted again.” The doctor sighed and said, “Don’t worry. I won’t tell her parents. But she’s going to have to eat as soon as possible. I am concerned for the twins. I’m going to start intravenous fluids to keep her from dehydrating.” Suddenly the door opened and the captain walked in. He walked over to Sara. “I had heard we had the first patient, which surprised me since we haven’t set sail yet. Is she all right? What is the matter with her? She looks very sick.” The doctor replied, “She is sick from pregnancy, captain. She just needs some rest and fluids. Due to difficult family circumstances, she hasn’t eaten since last night. That is why she fainted.” The captain sighed and said, “All right.”